Sunday, December 29, 2013

Shine on 2014 ....


Phew I cant believe 2013 is almost coming to a close. For me its been an epic year of self development and finally uncovering  wonderful things that have made my heart sing (and occasionally rock me to the core).
I am beginning to really find, listen and trust my inner voice. I know that I will it will continue to play a big part and I will only begin to hear and let it guide me forth more in 2014.

I have made some of the most positive lifestyle shifts of my whole entire life. Not one of them has felt like deprivation or just a short term fix.   After all these years I began to treat my body with the kind of respect it truly deserves, not just with the food I consume, but in the way I treat my mind.  There is still alot of work to be done here, but it is something I will put alot of effort into in the coming new year.

I have finally released myself from the long and sordid battle with diets in favour of a whole food, gluten free, organic (mostly) way of life. I have finally accepted that food is in my life to nurture me, not torture me, that what I put in is designed to nourish me from the inside out.  I have known this all along, but finally I was ready to take the steps to make the changes. 
Regardless of what I eat,  it  was in  giving up the mental torment of dieting and using some intuitive eating techniques that really gave me freedom and paved the way for even greater change.
This all happened in March and led to a cascade of other events that have really shaped my year. Its funny how I don't feel like the same person I was 6 months ago, let alone 12 months.  

There has been so much love and light in my year, but with that light, I have learnt that there always needs to be the balance of darkness, the lesson's from the hard times endured have and will be invaluable forever.

I have learnt to live, breathe and conquer in the face  of  uncertainty, fear, control and judgement. I have learnt relinquishing the need to know what was around the corner in favour of just staying and happily accepting the present moment has been one of the greatest gifts. 
I am still embracing the art of vulnerability and become braver in my willingness to put myself out there no matter what the outcome.  It definitely hasn't come easily to me but I have learnt that, that is ok to.

I have made some much adored friendships, strengthened others and with no animosity let the others that did not serve me gently float away.

I look forward to being able to share my journey here, to unveil more and more clarity in my life. Its exciting and scary to know 2014 will provide  more great challenges, but I know I have put in place  the foundation to be able to accept these with grace rather than resistance. 

Heading into my 35th year  I feel like I am just getting to the core of who I am and what I am about. I have this sense that I have been gently chipping away, chipping away to uncover the real me, and in 2014 I am well and truly ready to crack myself open.

So as a bit of a reflection, here are a few of my highlights reel of 2013.  And in the words of the remarkable John Lennon.... We all Shine on, like the moon, the stars and the sun. 

Bring it 2014....



Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Life lessons learnt!

Over the last few months I have been in the unenviable position of searching for a job. Not just for a career change, but for survival.
 My current work contract has not been renewed and I have been hurled back into the job market, which in its current state is not  all that pretty. Throw in single motherhood and its been a recipe for many sleepless nights, anxiety, tears and panic. 
If I had one word to describe the experience it would be soul destroying, yet as  my spirit is being crushed, I also feel this new sense of strength and resilience kicking in. The kind of resilience I have called upon many times in my life, that grit that has got me through many  previous battles.
 
It seems the vulnerability of my predicament, has been character building. The constant rejection has left me feeling hollow but at the same time I feel this new gratitude for the smaller things in life  and a belief that life will have a funny way of working itself out in its own time.

I know this too shall pass and life wont be as it is right now forever, there will be a resolution of some kind in my near future.  It has been in surrendering control and just letting things work out as they should  that has proved the hardest step for me to take. 
 
Yet I have also come to realise, with every unlucky situation that can be thrown our way, life has a funny way of showing us its sparkling best. There is always a silver lining, even if it hasn't come in the forms that I expected it to.
 
Even though this period has been challenging mentally and physically {I liken it to a ride on a roller coaster & I am not a fan of those rides!!) I know in time I will look back and be grateful for the lessons I have learnt and the person I have become during this period.  As I peel  back the layers of myself, I realise everyday I am growing, my courage is building and I am gaining a clarity about life that I never knew existed. 

Here are a few of the key lessons I have learnt. 

//   Don't lose perspective

The amount of times I have given up hope, lamenting my situation and then I get a big fat serve of perspective! Facing unemployment as scary as it is , is not the worst thing that can happen to me. In the scheme of my life it just doesn't rate. Recently I have seen parents in hospital with sick babies, relationship breakdowns and natural disasters. I still have all the fundamentals in my life,  my health, a roof over my head, and people who love me. I have my little partner in crime by my side and I realise these are the most important things!

//    Surrender to the lack of control 

Letting go the reins of control is not an easy task to do. In this crazy world, having control makes us feel secure and stable. As soon as I let go of the control, I felt  apprehensive and STRESSED, but as I sat with these emotions I began to see the benefit of surrendering. We never know what is around the corner EVER so  I have learnt to just go with how the world has planned things out for me.   When I started feeling at  peace with  things, movement on the job front automatically started flowing again.

//    Listen to your intuition 

This one is a biggie and not always something that is easy to pick up on.  I liken it to a gentle tug, that gut feeling that something is right or it isn't. 
I had this gentle niggle about something for a few weeks, at first it was ever so subtle but it didn't take long and it was all I could think about. I know this was my intuition ferociously tapping me on the shoulder . It was relentless until I took some action, and then it went away. 

The lesson, listen to your intuition, it is always right! 

//     Don't take things personally 

I have had plenty of job rejections in the last few months and at times they are pretty crushing. One in particular left me gutted. I was very attached to this job, convinced that it was my dream job, and almost manifesting it in my head that I had it in the bag. So when I received the call to in fact tell me I was not successful,  it took all strength I had not to burst into tears on the phone. I spent the night on the couch, crying and sobbing, I let myself grieve the lost opportunity and I made myself move on. 
Its very easy for your ego to take a bashing when its pummeled with rejection after rejection but over time I realised that if I didn't get the role, it meant it wasn't the right one for me. 

//     Exercise

As my moods started to get more erratic and the anxiety started to mount I decided I needed some tools to help me cope. For me exercise is always a sure bet. It puts me in my happy place, it rounds out my moods and it empowers me to  cope with anything being thrown my way. Not only does it make me feel stronger on the outside, it also makes me feel much tougher mentally. In the last few weeks I have doubled the amount I had been doing and its left me feeling more balanced, alive, energetic and happy. 

//     Embracing all emotions

When I went through my relationship breakdown a few years ago, I thought it was best to put on a tough as nails front, but really it was just an act and it took me a long time to break down those barriers and open up and express how I was really feeling. I realise now that adrenaline played a huge part in keeping me going. My poor old body was at battle with itself, always fatigued. I have learnt alot since then about how our bodies work at their best , and I knew with this situation I needed to just ride the waves of my emotions. There have been times I haven't been able to hold back the tears, They just came naturally, I have cried at work , in the supermarket in cafes, just about anywhere. I have been angry, jealous, sad , anxious and just about every emotion.
 I have found by acknowledging how I am feeling, to sit with it and  to talk to people around me,  that it is ok to feel them. I have also laughed a lot too, life is too short not to! 

//     Surround yourself with friends 

A tight support network is pivotal in getting through any life crisis, and for me having a select group of friends around to support me has been gold. Without a partner at home to hear my daily ups and downs, my friends have  lifted me up when I am down, they give me perspective, advice, sincere help and they just listen.  I couldn't have coped without them. 

//     Living in the moment 

Life is for living, at times its easier to retreat into my cave and watch as the world passes by, the time just ticking away.

But I am an adventurer at heart, I need to be free, outdoors and experiencing life. We have taken day trips, visited places I have wanted to see, dipped my toes in the ocean, and just lived as best we can with what we have right now!

//    Little snippets of the everyday

I have found the little moments in the every day all the more enjoyable;  
Cups of earl grey tea,
Inhaling Essential oils  especially rose geranium and lavender for their calming and balancing effect
After school smoothies and chai lattes with Darby 
Nights out laughing with beautiful friends 
Day trips to visit new places 
Eating the best Whole Food  that I can
{Trying} to Meditate
 
I know any day now, that the tides will turn, there will be change and the right job will come my way. I just have to have faith in the process that it will all work out ok in the end (and I know it will)  
 

Sunday, October 27, 2013

I am who I am...


Today I had a near death experience. 

Well maybe not a near death, but certainly a near catastrophe. 

I was driving home from a non eventful Monday morning supermarket shop, and a semi trailer didn't  give way and drove out in front of me. It was obvious that he had not seen my little white car.
Luckily I snapped myself out of my daydream and swerved to miss him.  Thankfully our two vehicles did not collide and he drove off none the wiser. 

I pulled over to the side of the road, my heart thumping so loud I could hear it  and adrenaline pulsating through my veins. My fight or flight response had well and truly kicked in and I needed a few moments to compose myself, to sit back, close my eyes and just breath. 

When my eyes closed it was like a switch was turned.  Negative thoughts flooded my brain.  I started  unleashing a savage attack on myself. I wasn't at fault in this incident, but somehow I managed to start blaming myself.
I shouldn't have been daydreaming, I'm always daydreaming. I should have beeped my horn,              why am I such a terrible driver.  I shouldn't have  a licence, I'm not capable of anything, I'm a failure. 

I guess this was normal given the situation, but I certainly shouldn't have been blaming myself. My inner wisdom knew I was just punishing myself with criticism, but somehow I couldn't turn these thoughts around.

They are automatic and I realised that I do this all the time, in every situation. No wonder my self belief and confidence is so low. It keeps getting pummelled by this nasty voice in my head at every turn.

I know I am an incredibly positive person, a glass half full  type, but to myself I am nothing of the sort. I love inspiring, helping and supporting others, cheering them on, but really I need to be cheering myself self along.

So I am on a bit of a mission to change that, to peel back the layers and work on improving my self  worth.
I am  sick of being the victim to my own voice.   Its time I reveal the  resilient, positive and self loving warrior that I know I am.  I just need to work on uncovering it and allowing it to speak. 

This blog, my little place to spread inspiration about living a healthy life from the inside out, has been sitting dormant and wordless for weeks. I didn't think the words I had deserved to be heard, I didn't think it was pretty enough, I didn't think I was had enough to offer, or the knowledge to write.  I now know I wasn't being held back by what others thought, I was being paralysed (and darn right silly) by what I thought.
Somehow it took this unnerving incident to make me realise that I needn't care about that.  I just need to take action to improve myself,  to cause my own ripples and the rest will take care of itself.  

I am not here to change anyone else, I am here to change myself, to finally reveal that true positive thinker that I know resides inside somewhere deep.

Although if this journey of mine at all gives you any hope or guidance or even the motivation to make changes too to how you live, breathe and think, then my job is done. The inner teacher in me will be happy.

I am who I am, and finally I am taking responsibility for my thoughts and am on a mission to turn them around!

Welcome to my journey.....
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